The Big Question is ...
by Jenny Werbeloff

Are you willing to be the source of your own experience?
The gift of life is that there is a continual opportunity to deepen our understanding and inner knowing – an opportunity to live an expanded and authentic life. So, I invite you to take a breath, release the day, and open to emptiness, in order to deepen into your own experience of now. Allow a few breaths ... just take a few deep, slow breaths and be fully present in this new space.

In my work as a transformational educator (my business is called Sourcing from Within™) I promote living consciously and the foundational premise of my vision is that we are the gift that we bring to ourselves, our lives and our work.
In order to fully be that gift, we need to learn how to develop the connection, and remain connected, to our essence as our internal freedom, wellbeing, relationships and personal fulfilment depend on us living an authentic expression of ‘self’.

I believe that you are not your or a technique, profession, title, role. You are the gift you bring to your life, however you define that. However, this is only a gift if you are taking your whole self into your picture, and being cognisant of what is happening within. The extent to which you are informed by what is happening internally – within you – is the extent to which you will be a gift to yourself and your life.

Unfortunately, in our families, schools, upbringing, university and training of various sorts, we have been taught that proficiency in our external life is what it takes to make our lives work; whereas I come from the premise that it is our internal whole-body listening that gives us the capacity to live lives that truly nourish, and keep us healthy. It is so important to be present to what is truly happening within us, and acknowledge this, rather than over-riding, not listening and thereby continuing to erode our body-wisdom.

My experience with working with people of all sorts is that the emphasis is placed on developing great techniques and capacities for assisting others, for ‘doing business’, and for getting ahead. If this remains the focus over many years, people can lose connection with themselves. The result is that their greatest ‘tool’, their own wholeness, can be lost.

Especially when lives are spent on training, where the focus is continually placed on equipping us with skills and tools, a movement away from ‘self’, or authentic self expression, is encouraged which, in the end, ceases to nourish ourselves or our lives. A disconnection occurs – to the extent that you are out of touch with what is happening within you. This disconnection (to a small degree or a larger degree) results in an inability to truly connect with others, even those closest to you. Realise that the more ‘whole’ you are, the more of you there is present and available to them.

Losing connection with yourself and what you are really feeling is like having a car with no steering or no brakes. We lose connection with ourselves and become driven by many other factors, including building our business, raising a family, taking care of others, and doing what others expect of us. We all can, and I’m sure many of you have been able to, rationalise why we do what we do – but, overriding our own authentic ‘yes’ is a serious oversight, and the end result is ‘over-care’ of others which results in ‘under-care’ of our own authenticity and wellbeing. Clearly, this impacts on all the aspects of our lives – our wellbeing, relationships and fulfilment.

We give ourselves many reasons for overriding our ‘essence (inner) knowing’. Sometimes it is a serious over-care of others. People in ‘helping’ roles can come to believing that their value comes from what they do for others. This is a delusion and the cost of this kind of thinking is immense. There is no greater value than the esteem and care that we give to ourselves.

Often our self-perception is tied to ‘what others think of us’. This, also, is a violation of ourselves and not an authentic expression of ‘me’. Often, trying to ‘fit in’, ‘do it right’ or ‘be all things to all people’ comes at a great cost to our overall wellness and joy.

My great interest is activating in others the best of what it takes to be human and true, and to create this around the central dynamic of ‘me’.

I’d like you to imagine a circle, and place your name in the middle. From this vantage point, you create the best possible experience for yourself.

This enables you to make the greatest authentic gifting of yourself to yourself, your families, your clients, and to the world around you. Mostly, however, we have convinced ourselves to place so many more ‘worthy’ or ‘important’ things in the circle, before listening to our whole selves.

I invite you to take a moment and notice where you are right now.
Where is your attention?
Is it on some body part that is uncomfortable? Is it on a feeling of excitement or irritation? Are you ‘trying to understand’ or ‘do it right’? Is it on some distress that you cannot solve? Is it on the events of the day that you have not really finished with?

What is distracting you? What filters do you have on right now? Is your impulse to distance or reject, or are you willing to discover?

The important thing here is to notice what you are doing. Just notice. No reason to validate or justify. There is no criticism or way to ‘do it right’. Just noticing, activates an enquiry.

Now pause for a moment.
Notice what is happening to your breath.
Is it rhythmical and full, or is it shallow and fast?
Notice whether there is ease in your body. Are you comfortable, or is there tension – perhaps in your neck, shoulders, or arms.
Notice whether you are waiting to be entertained, or whether you are willing to create your own value? Are you waiting for life to happen to you or are you willing to step into creating your own experience?

These are all very powerful indicators of what is up for you right now – of what’s really happening for you and how you’re feeling.

If you have found that you are over-riding yourself, tuning out, and yet ‘showing up’, I invite you to wonder about often you do this? Mostly these are patterns that we have adopted at some time, and continue to use. Remember that these patterns have served us in some way and therefore they have been very useful; however, taking a fresh look and evaluating the impact that our patterns are having on us now, gives us an opportunity to reassess. With awareness and consideration we can make a new choice.

So how do we increase our ability to be present to ourselves?
We begin by noticing what is happening within us.
By evaluating whether you are authentically engaging with yourself and being willing to embrace what is really up for you, you begin the process of conscious listening to yourself.

My experience is that when I come from an authentic expression of ‘yes’, I add to my aliveness. When I negate what is true for me, or override my feelings to come up with an inauthentic ‘yes’, there is a feeling of discomfort within me. If I push myself too hard, for external reasons – that I can easily validate – I lose my enthusiasm and sense of vibrancy.

We all know what it’s like when we agree to something that we are not in sync with. We waste our energy recycling the scenario, using up our time reliving and rethinking the situation, and this diminishes our creativity, and our wellbeing. The more energy you keep tied up in regret, or ‘doing the right thing’ the less you have at your disposal to create a vibrant you in a vibrant life.

Wellbeing is a feeling of abundant flow. Lack of wellbeing is a feeling of struggle, an absence of joy. And the missing link is – the body signals that we usually over-ride.

There are many such indicators that let us know whether we are engaging with life and our circumstances with ease. Remember: it is our internal whole-body listening that gives us the capacity to live lives that truly nourish, and keep us healthy.

So, here are a few questions that I invite you to explore:
· Are you willing to open to what is really true?
· What signals is your body giving you, and how do these indicate what you are feeling?
· Are you willing to place curious attention on something, and wonder? Wondering is an opening to knowing something that you genuinely do not know the answer to, or are open to discovering a deeper, truer answer to.

The Big Question is: Are you willing to be the source of your own experience – with an intention to wonder, and putting your full attention on any sensation or feeling that is unarguably true inside your body, and maintain your focus?

I invite you to consider this: Your automatic answer might be ‘yes, of course’; however, there may be an answer that is truer right now. Please notice what is happening to you, right now. Are you available for this enquiry, or are you already pushing away?
Notice whether you’re responding from an ‘I know’ point of view, or are you willing to give open, curious attention to this enquiry, and just wonder…

So again, the Big Question is: Are you willing to be the source of your experience?

Take a moment to consider whether there is excitement associated with this possibility, or is there fear.
How do you know this? Where do you feel this?
Listen for answers that come from your body and not you head.

What signals is your body giving you?
Is your body comfortable, or not?
Where in your body are you feeling comfort or discomfort?
Notice what all the bits are doing.

Whatever you are experiencing, are you willing to face, and then accept what is true?

Take a breath, and relax into accepting what is true, without any judgement.

Notice if you are feeling resistance concerning the outcome of your exploration. If you are experiencing resistance, you will feel this as tension somewhere. If your body is uncomfortable, if your breath has quickened, if your temperature has changed, if your feelings are contracted, then I suggest you take a breath ... and put your full attention on accepting the fact that, right now, you have fear associated with sourcing your own experience. Just accepting this, without making it mean anything, will begin the process of inner change.

Now let’s introduce a ‘wonder’ question:
I wonder how I can source my own experience with ease?

Genuinely allow an open space of enquiry…
Allow your mind to lead you down an easier lane. Then, take action in the direction of your inner wisdom. What small action step can you take in support of sourcing your own experience with ease?

I am deliberately specifying ‘one small action step’… we are not trying to solve your life here.
Just taking small action steps, as a result of your new awareness, will continually lead you towards changes in your patterning. A choice that is informed by your present awareness creates a new pattern that sets you on the path of authentic living.

The gift to you is increasing aliveness and wellbeing.
The gift to your family, friends, co-workers, clients and your profession will be immense.

Remember: The extent to which you are informed by what is happening internally – within you – is the extent to which you will be a gift to your self and your life. Therefore, I encourage you to develop your skill in really tuning in to how you feel, and what your body is telling you. In accepting what is true for you, and living with your body wisdom as your greatest ally, you will add to your ongoing vitality and aliveness, and be self-sustaining.

Back to top

© Jenny Werbeloff 2007 jenny@sourcingfromwithin.com www.SourcingfromWithin.com